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Profound Impacts
New Zealand
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Supporting those who have caused an accidental death
Share Your Story
By sharing your story you help to create a space where others can learn from you and find comfort in your vulnerability.
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Our story began a few years ago now. It was a car accident. My son was driving and his friend was killed in the accident. As a parent you fear the day when you get a phone call to say one of your children has died in an accident. The thought of losing one of your children is too hard to bear. You wonder if you will ever cope, ever learn to really live again. On that day we learnt that our son had caused a family to lose their most treasured son. The pain is still with me. The tears are never far away when I remember the tragedy of that day and all that was lost. One treasured child was gone and our treasured child was left tormented by the accident and the result his mistake caused. It has been a slow and difficult path to healing since then. There is still a long, long way to go. I am walking this journey alongside my son knowing that his friend would want him to go on to live his life to the full, to find joy and love, and to learn to forgive himself.Â
My son has had access to therapy which has provided a safe place for him to work on himself, with compassion. For myself I have also taken the opportunity to get therapy and have found it most useful. It has helped me to deal with the trauma associated with the event itself and also the shame I experienced. I had a deep sense that the grief and trauma were not appropriate to feel because of what my son had 'done'. My therapist also helped me to learn how to have faith in my son's ability to heal himself, allowing me to stop 'carrying' his pain. Although the pain will always be with us, it is easier now and there are brighter times.
This journey has been absolutely horrific but as with all things in this life, it's important to find the best ways through. I write this today in the hope that my words might give someone else in this space comfort.