
Profound Impacts
New Zealand
Supporting those who have caused an accidental death
Supporting the Survivors ~ Beyond the Early Days

Supporting someone who has accidentally taken another person's life will be a life-long mission. The person you care for will carry this grief for the remainder of their life. Small acts of compassion can make the world of difference to your person's life.
"Love them by walking beside them in the hurt."
'Walking Beside Them In the Hurt' looks like and sounds like ...
-
Checking in regularly by asking how your loved one 'really' is. Try to find time to be with your person on their own when there is time to talk.
-
Remembering significant dates and sending a message to say you are remembering that this might be a tough time of the year.
-
Be mindful of significant events in your person's life. Your person is likely to feel sad and potentially undeserving, when joy arrives in their life. For example: celebrating a birthday, finding love, enjoying Christmas celebrations...
-
Send a message reminding your person that life is all about finding joy and pleasure and that they are deserving of finding it.
-
Continually remind your loved one of your unconditional love and support.
-
Acknowledge that your expectation is that the road to healing will be a long one and that that is okay. Many have referenced the experience of being asked how they are and replying that they're 'all good', because that's what they feel the enquirer wants to hear, when really they are far from good.
-
Accessing comprehensive on-going counselling or therapy is very expensive. A gift of monetary support can make a huge difference to the healing pathway.
When you don't want to ask "How are you?
As time goes by and weeks turn into months and months into years, let your friend or loved one know you’re checking in to see if there is anything you can do to help because you know it continues to be a hard time for them.
Some ideas of ways to connect verbally with your person that don't involve saying “How are you?”
-
You're an important friend to me. Just calling to hear your voice
-
Wanna go for a walk? I'd love to get outside for a bit today! We can talk about whatever. Or we can just listen to the birds.
-
Can I get some advice about ___? (asking something unrelated to the accident)
-
I was JUST thinking about you! Remember that time we __[awesome thing they did once that makes them feel good and cool and empowered___!?
-
Here are four ways I can support you right now, you tell me which ones you want today, tomorrow, or save for later. 1. I can call you to talk, 2. You can text me at night if you can’t sleep, 3. We can go for a walk, 4. You can come over and hang out.
-
Maybe they’d like to be driven somewhere… (Just a reminder that if you are driving someone who has been in a car accident try to be very aware of their comfort levels)
-
Hello. I’ve got chocolate cake I can bring over. What do you say?
-
Hi hi. I'm taking my dog for a walk at the beach. Do you want to join me?
-
Hi there. Thought I’d call and see what’s been going on.
Some ways to connect by text
-
Thinking of you ❤️
-
Thinking of you (plus a cute gif)
-
I’m thinking of you and I’m here if you need anything at all
-
Sending you a lot of love today. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.
If you have other ideas or resources that you think could support another person needing this type of compassion, understanding and healing, please email or leave a message so the resource can grow.