Back in 2020 my son and his girlfriend were out for a day's adventure on a beautiful back-country 4-wheel-drive track in Aotearoa New Zealand. My son was driving the vehicle. A misjudgement led to loss of control of the vehicle and the vehicle plunged into the valley below. My son was thrown from the vehicle and his girlfriend was not. She died at the scene. In those fleeting moments we lost a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant soul; a woman who we will all remember with so much love for the rest of our lives. In those fleeting moments all those who loved these two young people were now on a journey of trauma, grief and pain that will stay with them forever. In those fleeting moments this beautiful young woman's family and all their friends and loved ones were catapulted into trauma, grief and pain beyond anything they could imagine. In those fleeting moments my son was catapulted into trauma, grief, pain and guilt and shame beyond anything he could imagine.
There is no data collected in Aotearoa New Zealand to count the numbers of people who accidentally kill or seriously harm another human being, but since my son's accident I have been aware of many others who have found themselves in the same horrifying place. From the reports available, some of the accidents seem to be completely accidental and other accidents seem to be the result of many bad decisions that might have led to less serious outcomes had the people involved behaved differently and made different choices. But all of the accidents have two things in common: there was never any intention for anyone to be hurt or die and if the incident could be reversed the desire would always be to do so, in a heartbeat. Finding oneself to be the one responsible for another's unintentional death is a devastatingly lonely, scary and traumatic place to be and will have a profound impact on the rest of one's life.
This website is dedicated to all those who are experiencing the profound impacts of living with the knowledge that their actions are responsible for loss of life or serious injury, and to all those who seek to support those people.
Kei konei matou ka tautoko i a koe.
We are here, we will support you.
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